Faith

Sometimes I struggle with ideas for my blog. And sometimes my mind wanders and an idea will just come to me. This time I was reading one of those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books. I have about 6 of them that I reread every so often just because they inspire me. To look at things differently. To forgive. To have FAITH.
The last story I read got me thinking about my own life and wondering what part of my life I could relate to what I had just read. It came to me easily but I was hesitant. To write about it here. Because well, its personal. But if I can write about it here and maybe heal a little and help someone else to relate to ME then it will be worth it. So here goes...

2 years ago my husband and I decided that when it came time to celebrate our 10th anniversary we wanted to do it by renewing our vows. This time in church, in front of God. We wanted to have our marriage and family blessed. It was important to us to set an example for our kids about their faith. I have always wanted them to believe that when things were difficult in their lives and they felt they were alone they could always turn to God. I wanted them to know that their dad and I believed the same thing.

And so Memo and I signed up for the classes and went for our sessions to talk with the priest. But there was one particular thing we would have to do that I was both dreading and anticipating at the same time. Confession. You know, where you tell the priest everything you've been holding in or done wrong and ask for forgiveness.
I had been wanting to go to confession for awhile. It had been years! And I had something heavy laying on my heart. Guilt. Years of Guilt. From doubt. In God himself.

Years ago when I found out I was growing a little life inside me I started to pray for my baby. I prayed every night while I was pregnant that he would be healthy. After he was born I added safe to that list.  And as Michael grew bigger I prayed for happiness as well. I did the same with Andrew and Dominic.
Every night I would pray and I would ask the Lord to keep my family healthy, happy and safe. Simple right? But I figured if my family had those 3 things, we would always be alright.

And then a couple days after Michael's 3rd birthday he was diagnosed with Leukemia. Our world changed and nothing was the same as it had been. I instantly thought of all the praying I had done. And I was angry. Angry that of those 3 things I had asked for each of my children, God had taken "healthy" from my son.

We spent long days at the hospital. 12 hour days. Sometimes counselors would come through and see if families needed to vent. One day as Memo and I were laying with Michael a priest came through and asked if we wanted to talk. I refused.

Over the course of  the 3 years Michael received chemotherapy treatment he continued to amaze us, our families and the staff at the hospital. He never had all night bouts of vomiting like they told me he would. He was never so weak that he could not walk. Even after his monthly spinal treatments for which he would be put to sleep he would refuse to sit in the wheel chair to be wheeled to the car. Nope! Once he was awake he would RUN to the elevator! The nurses would give me dirty looks. As if I was being cruel for not MAKING him sit in the wheel chair. But I didn't blame him. I would want to run out of there too!

What I came to realize was that my son was resilient. He was a fighter. He was stronger than I would have been. Then most of us would have been. He came out of those 3 years undaunted. At 6 years old he was as strong and as vibrant as any other boy his age. He was HEALTHY.
He was healthy and I was ridden with guilt. That I had doubted God and doubted my prayers. Doubted that in every struggle there is a lesson learned. God had been watching him all along. And just as I had asked in my prayers, my son WAS healthy, happy and safe.
Like I've said before, I believe that things happen in life that test us AND teach us. About ourselves, about life and about the people around us. Those horrible years taught me a lot of things. But the most valuable is FAITH.

♥ Elena



"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof" ~ Kahlil Gibran

15

When I met him he was 20. I was 15. I know, I know. Scandalous right? It was January 20th 1996. I remember because I remember everything. He was my first official date. My first REAL boyfriend. At 15 they say you don't know much. About life or love. But I knew. In my heart. That he was IT.

I saved everything. Movie tickets, concert tickets, our horoscopes, even gum wrappers (I know, stalkerish/pathetic). I saved anything that reminded me of a moment spent with him.
He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, made me cry a couple jillion times, and asked me on my porch late one night how long he would have to wait to marry me.
But before we were married we were bonded for life. By our "little bear". Our Michael.
People said that we were too young. We wouldn't last. It never does. They said eventually he'd stop coming around. Because well, that's what guys do when they take on too much, too young. They give up and they take off. But he didn't. Like I knew he wouldn't. Because he was IT. For me.

And so he bought a house. For us. For our family. We did it backwards, but it doesn't matter now.

When Michael was a year old we married and we came back from our honeymoon with Andrew.
Years later we would be blessed a third time with Dominic.

So much changes over time. So many things happen in our lives. Good things that keep you going and not-so-good things that threaten to tear you apart.
But he's always been there. By my side. Holding me up. Keeping me sane. He listens to me. He makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful. He gives me hope when I feel there's none left. He strokes my hair when we lay in bed at night. He makes me chocolate covered strawberries on special occasions. He knows exactly which days to bring home take out food for dinner and exactly how I like my coffee. He's my everything and then some.
I wish with all my might that I could make him feel my gratitude for him. For his hard work. For his loyalty. For his consideration and his faithfulness. But he'll never know. Because there are no words I could speak. Nothing I could give to show him how much I appreciate all he's done to create our life together.

Come August he will be 35 years old. That's 15 years that I've loved him. And I can't wait for the 50 more to come.

♥Elena

"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, its the best thing in the world. When your in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete" ~ Keith Sweat

Wish List Wednesday! It's "Summa" Time!

It's been awhile. But I'm back! And I hope I'm never away that long again!
Life has a way of bringing in challenges when you least expect it!

But summer is here! And thank God! I LOVE summa time! Yes, I said summa, that wasn't a typo. I look forward to summa time every year! I absolutely yearn for the no homework, get-to-stay-up-as-long-as-we-want, late-night-Menchi's-run nights that I get to spend with my boys! I fully intend to take complete advantage of this summer and the time I get to spend with my little guys!

Yesterday we went to get information on the Santa Clarita Aquatic Center! I can't wait to go! It's basically like a mini version of Raging Waters right down the street! And for only $3 entrance, the deal couldn't be better!

I also can't wait to go back to Paradise Cove!

I love taking the boys to the beach! We pack up a cooler with deli sandwiches, chips and drinks and head out for the day! What I love about Paradise Cove is that it's a very private beach. There are close, CLEAN restrooms and a cafe right off the beach. Mind you the parking is more expensive than at a regular beach ($20) but I think it's well worth it! At Paradise Cove you are also allowed to buy a glass of wine or a beer from the cafe and relax on the beach while you enjoy it! Suhweet!      

Another "summa" time excursion I can't wait to go on is the Griffith Park night hike! One of my friends posted about this on Facebook and I just can't wait to go! It's free and after a 2 hour hike you get to see the city lights of all Los Angeles! For a gal who needs to be "workin on her fitness" this sounds awesome! Who's up for it?!?!

So you see, summer time has lots of things awaiting me and my little man crew! My Wish this Wednesday is for an awesome, memorable summer! Stress free and super fun! I hope your "summa" is wonderful too!

♥Elena


"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose"  ~The Wonder Years