Sometimes I struggle with ideas for my blog. And sometimes my mind wanders and an idea will just come to me. This time I was reading one of those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books. I have about 6 of them that I reread every so often just because they inspire me. To look at things differently. To forgive. To have FAITH.
The last story I read got me thinking about my own life and wondering what part of my life I could relate to what I had just read. It came to me easily but I was hesitant. To write about it here. Because well, its personal. But if I can write about it here and maybe heal a little and help someone else to relate to ME then it will be worth it. So here goes...
2 years ago my husband and I decided that when it came time to celebrate our 10th anniversary we wanted to do it by renewing our vows. This time in church, in front of God. We wanted to have our marriage and family blessed. It was important to us to set an example for our kids about their faith. I have always wanted them to believe that when things were difficult in their lives and they felt they were alone they could always turn to God. I wanted them to know that their dad and I believed the same thing.
And so Memo and I signed up for the classes and went for our sessions to talk with the priest. But there was one particular thing we would have to do that I was both dreading and anticipating at the same time. Confession. You know, where you tell the priest everything you've been holding in or done wrong and ask for forgiveness.
I had been wanting to go to confession for awhile. It had been years! And I had something heavy laying on my heart. Guilt. Years of Guilt. From doubt. In God himself.
Years ago when I found out I was growing a little life inside me I started to pray for my baby. I prayed every night while I was pregnant that he would be healthy. After he was born I added safe to that list. And as Michael grew bigger I prayed for happiness as well. I did the same with Andrew and Dominic.
Every night I would pray and I would ask the Lord to keep my family healthy, happy and safe. Simple right? But I figured if my family had those 3 things, we would always be alright.
And then a couple days after Michael's 3rd birthday he was diagnosed with Leukemia. Our world changed and nothing was the same as it had been. I instantly thought of all the praying I had done. And I was angry. Angry that of those 3 things I had asked for each of my children, God had taken "healthy" from my son.
We spent long days at the hospital. 12 hour days. Sometimes counselors would come through and see if families needed to vent. One day as Memo and I were laying with Michael a priest came through and asked if we wanted to talk. I refused.
Over the course of the 3 years Michael received chemotherapy treatment he continued to amaze us, our families and the staff at the hospital. He never had all night bouts of vomiting like they told me he would. He was never so weak that he could not walk. Even after his monthly spinal treatments for which he would be put to sleep he would refuse to sit in the wheel chair to be wheeled to the car. Nope! Once he was awake he would RUN to the elevator! The nurses would give me dirty looks. As if I was being cruel for not MAKING him sit in the wheel chair. But I didn't blame him. I would want to run out of there too!
What I came to realize was that my son was resilient. He was a fighter. He was stronger than I would have been. Then most of us would have been. He came out of those 3 years undaunted. At 6 years old he was as strong and as vibrant as any other boy his age. He was HEALTHY.
He was healthy and I was ridden with guilt. That I had doubted God and doubted my prayers. Doubted that in every struggle there is a lesson learned. God had been watching him all along. And just as I had asked in my prayers, my son WAS healthy, happy and safe.
Like I've said before, I believe that things happen in life that test us AND teach us. About ourselves, about life and about the people around us. Those horrible years taught me a lot of things. But the most valuable is FAITH.
♥ Elena
"Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof" ~ Kahlil Gibran
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
15
When I met him he was 20. I was 15. I know, I know. Scandalous right? It was January 20th 1996. I remember because I remember everything. He was my first official date. My first REAL boyfriend. At 15 they say you don't know much. About life or love. But I knew. In my heart. That he was IT.
I saved everything. Movie tickets, concert tickets, our horoscopes, even gum wrappers (I know, stalkerish/pathetic). I saved anything that reminded me of a moment spent with him.
He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, made me cry a couple jillion times, and asked me on my porch late one night how long he would have to wait to marry me.
But before we were married we were bonded for life. By our "little bear". Our Michael.
People said that we were too young. We wouldn't last. It never does. They said eventually he'd stop coming around. Because well, that's what guys do when they take on too much, too young. They give up and they take off. But he didn't. Like I knew he wouldn't. Because he was IT. For me.
And so he bought a house. For us. For our family. We did it backwards, but it doesn't matter now.
When Michael was a year old we married and we came back from our honeymoon with Andrew.
Years later we would be blessed a third time with Dominic.
So much changes over time. So many things happen in our lives. Good things that keep you going and not-so-good things that threaten to tear you apart.
But he's always been there. By my side. Holding me up. Keeping me sane. He listens to me. He makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful. He gives me hope when I feel there's none left. He strokes my hair when we lay in bed at night. He makes me chocolate covered strawberries on special occasions. He knows exactly which days to bring home take out food for dinner and exactly how I like my coffee. He's my everything and then some.
I wish with all my might that I could make him feel my gratitude for him. For his hard work. For his loyalty. For his consideration and his faithfulness. But he'll never know. Because there are no words I could speak. Nothing I could give to show him how much I appreciate all he's done to create our life together.
Come August he will be 35 years old. That's 15 years that I've loved him. And I can't wait for the 50 more to come.
♥Elena
"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, its the best thing in the world. When your in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete" ~ Keith Sweat
I saved everything. Movie tickets, concert tickets, our horoscopes, even gum wrappers (I know, stalkerish/pathetic). I saved anything that reminded me of a moment spent with him.
He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, made me cry a couple jillion times, and asked me on my porch late one night how long he would have to wait to marry me.
But before we were married we were bonded for life. By our "little bear". Our Michael.
People said that we were too young. We wouldn't last. It never does. They said eventually he'd stop coming around. Because well, that's what guys do when they take on too much, too young. They give up and they take off. But he didn't. Like I knew he wouldn't. Because he was IT. For me.
And so he bought a house. For us. For our family. We did it backwards, but it doesn't matter now.
Years later we would be blessed a third time with Dominic.
So much changes over time. So many things happen in our lives. Good things that keep you going and not-so-good things that threaten to tear you apart.
But he's always been there. By my side. Holding me up. Keeping me sane. He listens to me. He makes me laugh. He tells me I'm beautiful. He gives me hope when I feel there's none left. He strokes my hair when we lay in bed at night. He makes me chocolate covered strawberries on special occasions. He knows exactly which days to bring home take out food for dinner and exactly how I like my coffee. He's my everything and then some.
I wish with all my might that I could make him feel my gratitude for him. For his hard work. For his loyalty. For his consideration and his faithfulness. But he'll never know. Because there are no words I could speak. Nothing I could give to show him how much I appreciate all he's done to create our life together.
Come August he will be 35 years old. That's 15 years that I've loved him. And I can't wait for the 50 more to come.
♥Elena
"You can't stop loving or wanting to love because when its right, its the best thing in the world. When your in a relationship and it's good, even if nothing else in your life is right, you feel like your whole world is complete" ~ Keith Sweat
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wish List Wednesday! It's "Summa" Time!
It's been awhile. But I'm back! And I hope I'm never away that long again!
Life has a way of bringing in challenges when you least expect it!
But summer is here! And thank God! I LOVE summa time! Yes, I said summa, that wasn't a typo. I look forward to summa time every year! I absolutely yearn for the no homework, get-to-stay-up-as-long-as-we-want, late-night-Menchi's-run nights that I get to spend with my boys! I fully intend to take complete advantage of this summer and the time I get to spend with my little guys!
Yesterday we went to get information on the Santa Clarita Aquatic Center! I can't wait to go! It's basically like a mini version of Raging Waters right down the street! And for only $3 entrance, the deal couldn't be better!
I also can't wait to go back to Paradise Cove!
I love taking the boys to the beach! We pack up a cooler with deli sandwiches, chips and drinks and head out for the day! What I love about Paradise Cove is that it's a very private beach. There are close, CLEAN restrooms and a cafe right off the beach. Mind you the parking is more expensive than at a regular beach ($20) but I think it's well worth it! At Paradise Cove you are also allowed to buy a glass of wine or a beer from the cafe and relax on the beach while you enjoy it! Suhweet!
Another "summa" time excursion I can't wait to go on is the Griffith Park night hike! One of my friends posted about this on Facebook and I just can't wait to go! It's free and after a 2 hour hike you get to see the city lights of all Los Angeles! For a gal who needs to be "workin on her fitness" this sounds awesome! Who's up for it?!?!
So you see, summer time has lots of things awaiting me and my little man crew! My Wish this Wednesday is for an awesome, memorable summer! Stress free and super fun! I hope your "summa" is wonderful too!
♥Elena
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose" ~The Wonder Years
Life has a way of bringing in challenges when you least expect it!
But summer is here! And thank God! I LOVE summa time! Yes, I said summa, that wasn't a typo. I look forward to summa time every year! I absolutely yearn for the no homework, get-to-stay-up-as-long-as-we-want, late-night-Menchi's-run nights that I get to spend with my boys! I fully intend to take complete advantage of this summer and the time I get to spend with my little guys!
Yesterday we went to get information on the Santa Clarita Aquatic Center! I can't wait to go! It's basically like a mini version of Raging Waters right down the street! And for only $3 entrance, the deal couldn't be better!
I also can't wait to go back to Paradise Cove!
I love taking the boys to the beach! We pack up a cooler with deli sandwiches, chips and drinks and head out for the day! What I love about Paradise Cove is that it's a very private beach. There are close, CLEAN restrooms and a cafe right off the beach. Mind you the parking is more expensive than at a regular beach ($20) but I think it's well worth it! At Paradise Cove you are also allowed to buy a glass of wine or a beer from the cafe and relax on the beach while you enjoy it! Suhweet!
Another "summa" time excursion I can't wait to go on is the Griffith Park night hike! One of my friends posted about this on Facebook and I just can't wait to go! It's free and after a 2 hour hike you get to see the city lights of all Los Angeles! For a gal who needs to be "workin on her fitness" this sounds awesome! Who's up for it?!?!
So you see, summer time has lots of things awaiting me and my little man crew! My Wish this Wednesday is for an awesome, memorable summer! Stress free and super fun! I hope your "summa" is wonderful too!
♥Elena
"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose" ~The Wonder Years
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wish List Wednesday! BonVoyage!
Wish List Wednesday has turned into something entirely different than what I had planned it to be. But that's ok. Because I like it. And I hope you do too.
Dresses and shoes and jewelry will no doubt pop up on my Wish List Wednesday from time to time. But so will dreams, and memories and wishes for bettering my life.
Today is one of those days.
Last Monday my parents left on a week long cruise. My brother, sister and I had given the trip to them as a gift for Christmas. A gift that we hoped would give them some time to spend alone together and reconnect.
Life kind of takes over sometimes. There's no time. To spend time. To remember why we do things in the first place. Why we go to work everyday, why we decorate for holidays, why there is a Santa Clause. It's because of FAMILY. Without it, what do we have? Not much.
My boys and I drove my parents to Long Beach early the Monday morning of their cruise. I really was jealous that I wasn't the one taking off on that beautiful boat!
But off they went! The two of them. And when they were gone from sight my boys and I gathered to say a prayer. To wish them well and for a safe return.
A couple days later my mom called from the ship. And when I heard the sound of her voice I knew in an instant! She was HAPPY. There were not much words exchanged. It was a very quick call. But when she hung up I was so HAPPY too. More happy than they could ever know. That they were together on that boat. Having fun TOGETHER. Making memories TOGETHER.
When I told my brother that my mom had called his first question was "How did she sound?". My answer? "Happy".
So today on Wish List Wednesday my wish is for a zillion cruises! A zillion trips to send them on! A zillion days that they can be free from stress and worry and all the things that this crazy life can bring. A zillion trips to make memories on. A zillion days to be HAPPY.
♥ Elena
"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing" ~ Unknown
Dresses and shoes and jewelry will no doubt pop up on my Wish List Wednesday from time to time. But so will dreams, and memories and wishes for bettering my life.
Today is one of those days.
Last Monday my parents left on a week long cruise. My brother, sister and I had given the trip to them as a gift for Christmas. A gift that we hoped would give them some time to spend alone together and reconnect.
Life kind of takes over sometimes. There's no time. To spend time. To remember why we do things in the first place. Why we go to work everyday, why we decorate for holidays, why there is a Santa Clause. It's because of FAMILY. Without it, what do we have? Not much.
My boys and I drove my parents to Long Beach early the Monday morning of their cruise. I really was jealous that I wasn't the one taking off on that beautiful boat!
But off they went! The two of them. And when they were gone from sight my boys and I gathered to say a prayer. To wish them well and for a safe return.
A couple days later my mom called from the ship. And when I heard the sound of her voice I knew in an instant! She was HAPPY. There were not much words exchanged. It was a very quick call. But when she hung up I was so HAPPY too. More happy than they could ever know. That they were together on that boat. Having fun TOGETHER. Making memories TOGETHER.
When I told my brother that my mom had called his first question was "How did she sound?". My answer? "Happy".
So today on Wish List Wednesday my wish is for a zillion cruises! A zillion trips to send them on! A zillion days that they can be free from stress and worry and all the things that this crazy life can bring. A zillion trips to make memories on. A zillion days to be HAPPY.
♥ Elena
"The love of a family is life's greatest blessing" ~ Unknown
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Big 4
I'm driving myself crazy. No, I mean really! Literally insane! The party planning has begun for Dominic's 4th birthday!
I've always, always had a passion for planning parties. Baptisms, baby showers, bridal showers, you name it, I've done it. But not until I entered the world of REAL event planning via Tina Molina Events could I truly grasp the vast selection of options when it comes to throwing parties. No longer am I able to go down to Party City and buy the plastic tablecloths and matching plates. Tablecloths are now called "linens". No longer, is the typical Baskin Robbins ice cream birthday cake like the one my parents used to buy for us, sufficient enough for a 4 year old's taste buds. Not when I have seen the work of artists in the wedding world who use fondant to create characters from the Wizard of Oz. Things now are "different". They must be. Because I'm crazy.
As I reveal more and more details to my husband about my plans for Dominic's coming of age, I'm met with more and more looks that are really meant to say: "I really love you because your my wife, but this is getting out of hand". And yet he lets me. Because as much as planning parties is fun and well, what I DO, it's something else.
He's turning 4. And then 5. And then 10. And then 15. And then pretty soon, mom's party planning ideas are silly and not cool. I'm hanging on, for dear life! Because sooner rather than later they will go to parties that won't be planned by me. And so I plan to create as many memories as I can RIGHT NOW. Even if they are crazy, or overboard or time consuming. Because crazy and overboard when it comes to parties equals smiles and laughter for my photo album.
And anyway, overboard is my middle name isn't it?
Here's a sneak peak of one of my DIY (do it yourself) projects for Dominic's birthday.
It will be a Luau so get your grass skirts and coconut bra's ready!
♥ Elena
"A smile happens in a flash, but its memory lasts a lifetime" ~ unknown
I've always, always had a passion for planning parties. Baptisms, baby showers, bridal showers, you name it, I've done it. But not until I entered the world of REAL event planning via Tina Molina Events could I truly grasp the vast selection of options when it comes to throwing parties. No longer am I able to go down to Party City and buy the plastic tablecloths and matching plates. Tablecloths are now called "linens". No longer, is the typical Baskin Robbins ice cream birthday cake like the one my parents used to buy for us, sufficient enough for a 4 year old's taste buds. Not when I have seen the work of artists in the wedding world who use fondant to create characters from the Wizard of Oz. Things now are "different". They must be. Because I'm crazy.
As I reveal more and more details to my husband about my plans for Dominic's coming of age, I'm met with more and more looks that are really meant to say: "I really love you because your my wife, but this is getting out of hand". And yet he lets me. Because as much as planning parties is fun and well, what I DO, it's something else.
He's turning 4. And then 5. And then 10. And then 15. And then pretty soon, mom's party planning ideas are silly and not cool. I'm hanging on, for dear life! Because sooner rather than later they will go to parties that won't be planned by me. And so I plan to create as many memories as I can RIGHT NOW. Even if they are crazy, or overboard or time consuming. Because crazy and overboard when it comes to parties equals smiles and laughter for my photo album.
And anyway, overboard is my middle name isn't it?
Here's a sneak peak of one of my DIY (do it yourself) projects for Dominic's birthday.
It will be a Luau so get your grass skirts and coconut bra's ready!
♥ Elena
"A smile happens in a flash, but its memory lasts a lifetime" ~ unknown
Your MUA Elena
I'm happy to be able to post the first of my MUA entries on my blog. And of course, who other than Ms. Emalou would have the pleasure of being Numero Uno?
This past Saturday my sister Emalou woke me up bright and early for a makeup job!
Her shoot was at The Planes of Fame Airshow in Chino.
Here's one of my favorite shots!
Photo by Tim Hunter
Enjoy!
♥ Elena
"We are sisters. We will always be sisters. Our differences may never go away but neither, for me, will our song" ~ Elizabeth Fishel
This past Saturday my sister Emalou woke me up bright and early for a makeup job!
Her shoot was at The Planes of Fame Airshow in Chino.
Here's one of my favorite shots!
Photo by Tim Hunter
Enjoy!
♥ Elena
"We are sisters. We will always be sisters. Our differences may never go away but neither, for me, will our song" ~ Elizabeth Fishel
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Wish List Wednesday!
For the past 2 weeks Wish List Wednesday has been a little difficult for me. I mean, how boring would my blog be if I posted about wishing for fabulous dresses every week? Make no mistake though! I do have a couple cute little numbers on my "Need this so very badly" list. But I've been thinking about different ideas for my Wish List. Waiting for something to happen during my mediocre day that will put a spark in my brain! And today it happened. It may be a little different of a wish, but its STILL a wish. And it started with Andrew. MY Andrew ♥.
He came home from school and as I started to ask him about his day he sat down next me at the table. And then he said "Mom, if you could go back and relive any day you wanted to, what day would it be?"
I know he's my son because I've already thought of this question many, many times in my head and so I was prepared with an answer: "I would love to go back and relive 3 days, not just 1. And I would relive the day that each of my boys was born".
Now I know that sounds like a corny, typical, mom answer but its SO true! If I could go back and relive a day, just for the sheer joy and blessedness that it brought, it would be the days that my children were born. Those were honestly the best days of my life. It saddens and scares me that I may never feel that way again.
It occurred to me though, that if given the opportunity, some people might wish to go back and relive a day not to enjoy it again, but to change it. A horrible mistake was made, something was said that you wish you could take back, you missed a chance at something that will never come around again. I have those days too. Days I wish I could relive so that I could do them over for the better. But, then I think and I have to remember, good or bad, each day got me to exactly where I am today. And for that I'm grateful.
So today, on this Wish List Wednesday my wish is to go back. To relive those 3 amazing days! To take them in, to feel those feelings, to smell that sweet new-baby-smell again, to capture a little piece of the day that I didn't see before................
What day would you wish to relive?
♥ Elena
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" - Maria Robinson
He came home from school and as I started to ask him about his day he sat down next me at the table. And then he said "Mom, if you could go back and relive any day you wanted to, what day would it be?"
I know he's my son because I've already thought of this question many, many times in my head and so I was prepared with an answer: "I would love to go back and relive 3 days, not just 1. And I would relive the day that each of my boys was born".
Now I know that sounds like a corny, typical, mom answer but its SO true! If I could go back and relive a day, just for the sheer joy and blessedness that it brought, it would be the days that my children were born. Those were honestly the best days of my life. It saddens and scares me that I may never feel that way again.
It occurred to me though, that if given the opportunity, some people might wish to go back and relive a day not to enjoy it again, but to change it. A horrible mistake was made, something was said that you wish you could take back, you missed a chance at something that will never come around again. I have those days too. Days I wish I could relive so that I could do them over for the better. But, then I think and I have to remember, good or bad, each day got me to exactly where I am today. And for that I'm grateful.
So today, on this Wish List Wednesday my wish is to go back. To relive those 3 amazing days! To take them in, to feel those feelings, to smell that sweet new-baby-smell again, to capture a little piece of the day that I didn't see before................
What day would you wish to relive?
♥ Elena
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending" - Maria Robinson
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